Chessy pickup lines!! ;)

Pickup lines are a tricky business. Oftentimes, they're creepy to the point of deserving a slap. When they're not creepy, they're so corny that they warrant an eye roll so gloriously dramatic, sarcastic, and spiteful that the shame-stink of it will haunt you forever, like the spray of a skunk. And they don't make tomato juice that can wash shame-stink off of your soul.

We here at Cracked want to change that. We want to arm you with the boldest and strongest, yet non-slappy and non-shamey, pickup lines that you can use on a potential mate. These lines will make an impression without the fear of a woman leaving an impression of her hand on your cheek.

1."Hi, My Name Is [Your Name], but You Can Call Me Tonight."

Why bash a girl over the head with a blatant and desperate appeal to get in her pants, when you can use simple wordplay to slightly baffle her with the suggestion that your name is a general description for a time of day?

2. "Is Your Name WiFi? Because I'm Really Feeling a Connection."

Out of all the pickup lines like it -- where a girl is asked a question, and the guy's follow-up statement is a pun based on the question -- this one is a clear winner. Why? Because usually the follow-up is a statement so perverse, so profane, so disgusting that it should only be used if your intent is to be slapped out of your chauvinism. Yes, of course it's ridiculous to ask if someone is named WiFi.

3."If Looks Could Kill, You'd Be a Weapon of Mass Destruction."

It's always good to compare a lovely lady to something that can and has killed millions. Might as well compare them to the Black Death, right? But pushing that aside, this line isn't about comparing a person's attractiveness to that of a nuclear bomb; it's about the clever, unique spin on the classic adage "if looks could kill."

4. "Girl, if You Were Words on a Page, You'd Be FINE Print."

Nothing gets a girl in the mood more than suggesting her degree of hotness is comparable to the complex legalese denoted with an asterisk at the bottom of a credit card statement.

5. "Hi, Do You Have a Few Minutes for Me to Hit on You?"

This line breaks the fourth wall. It's a meta commentary on pickup lines themselves, while simultaneously being viable and effective in its own right.

6."Like a Broken Pencil, Life Without You Is Pointless."

The beauty of this line can be found in how seamlessly it can be woven into conversation. Most pickup lines are about as subtle as a cartoon caveman clubbing a cavewoman over the head with a mallet as his first and only means of wooing.

7. "Don't Tell Me if You Want Me to Take You Out to Dinner. Just Smile for Yes, or Do a Backflip for No."

Ah, nothing better than a clever verbal trap to ensnare the affections of a woman. With this line, you can deviate from the norm and inject some absurdity into the dating scene. It's like a line a Monty Python member would, and probably has, used to score a date. With this, you can spice up the normally acrid.

8."If I Had Four Quarters to Give to the Four Prettiest Girls in the World, You Would Have a Dollar."

Flattery through financial comparison. This line singles out a beautiful woman as something special. Everyone -- man, woman, ghostly apparition, highly intelligent dog -- loves feeling like they alone are the focus of someone's desires.

9."You're So Beautiful That You Made Me Forget My Pickup Line."

There's no hiding the fact that this anti-pickup line is, in fact, a pickup line in itself. It's a variation on the meta pickup line from a few entries above. But again, if you're going to use a pickup line, why masquerade your intentions? Don't hide it -- have some fun with the concept of using a silly line to try to pick up a girl by pointing at the absurdity of what you're doing.

10. "Do You Have a Tan, or Do You Always Look This Hot?"

Everyone looks better with a golden hue bestowed upon them by the rays of the sun. People love it so much that there are salons where all they do is shove people in ovens or hose them down with orange goo to give them the radiant glow they so desire.

And few other pickup lines you could use for you know... ;} :P...are